Wow.. If I have learned one thing today. It would be that in the moment of my weakness He gives me GRACE to do His will. His will for me…His best for me. His desire for me.
It all began last week when I begin to think what ministry in Nicaragua meant to me and how I could prepare my heart for what was in store. So i wrote it out for Trish:Ministry in Nicaragua is so important and special to me. I have realized the past few times that I have been that the only way to change the condition of their lives is to bring the gospel! So often people just bring “stuff” and leave. But the gospel is what will change their lives inside and out. If you can teach the little ones how to live a LIFE that glorifies the Lord, they will have such an impact on the future of Nicaragua. It makes me want to go now and tell them about my Jesus and how he has changed my life.
Then I woke up one day last week and felt like it was the day I should apply for AIM next summer… My heart got so excited to think that I might be able to go and spend an extended time there for the summer. I want to go. I pray that it is His will for me. I want to experience life in Nicaragua as real as I can…Kayla just got back from doing this and I will be honest and say some of the things she talks about really stress me out (rats, bats, mice, not being able to talk to my family alot, no purified water….) oh the little things that bring me down. But then she shares about her time feeding the people at the dump, tutoring at the girls home, spending time at Corozon contento and I think I can do this. I want to do this. My heart breaks for this. I want to share what God has blessed me with.
Nica as a whole is a struggling and lost place. Their way of life is so different than I or anyone I am close to truly knows. Their only Hope is truly Jesus Christ and if the children there don’t know Jesus then there future in Nica is hopeless, gross, disgusting, hurtful, broken and meaningless. They will suffer so much in their lives with or without Christ. But if they have Christ their communities will change. They will live an abundant life full of joy, satisfaction and hope in what seem to be the worst of conditions.
I heard a story about a little girl who was tied up to a tree in her back yard with a tin roof over it…with the dogs and the dirt. Her parents would go out to just feed her once a day. Other than that she was all alone in the dirt with dogs probably licking her, sitting in her own mess. Never being touched. Never being loved. Never being held. Never being kissed. No one to tell her they loved her and that she meant something. She was there for 5 years. Now she is in Corozon Contento where she just sits and twitches, makes noises and does anything to stimulate herself. She had no interaction or development the first part of her life…This story is just a tiny piece of the desperation of Nicaragua. It hurt my heart, almost in a numbing way to hear this. It hurt so much that i couldn’t even cry. I just looked at Kayla with a blank stare because all of the sudden I have this deep desire to bring Jesus and HOPE to Nicaragua. Maybe just to one person if that be His will…or maybe a whole barrio. We will see what GREAT things are to come.
Project Nicaragua- I was talking to my friend Mark and he asked me to pray about something. He asked me to pray about being a part of Project Nica. I asked exactly what he meant and he said he wanted me to be the person in charge of all the children’s activities and plans for the trips…WHAT? Didn’t I just write that what I felt like God wanted me to do is get Jesus and the gospel to the children of Nica. They are the future. Mark didn’t even know that is what I felt he just said he felt like my heart was right for the job. Greater things are yet to come…
It really just amazes me that I am in a very contrite place in my heart. I am to say the least heart broken by a relationship. But even when my heart is in a million pieces, God’s grace is still showing me what my heart was made for. He renews my spirit and heart in the midst of pain. I am learning to listen and follow. Even if it’s alone for now.
I want to hear You. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Give me a humble and pure heart as I seek You and Your will. Heal the broken piece of my life into something beautiful that can be Your instrument. Give me words to speak…Give me ears to listen…Give me hands to serve. Help me to Trust You are up to something bigger than me.
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